The Addams Family

They're creepy and they're kooky,
Mysterious and spooky,
They're all together ooky,
The Addams Family.

Their house is a museum.
When people come to see 'em
They really are a screa-um.
The Addams Family.

Neat
Sweet
Petite

So get a witch's shawl on.
A broomstick you can crawl on.
We're gonna pay a call on
The Addams Family.

These lyrics have always pestered me. OK, I know it was a campy series not to be taken seriously, but geeeze.

"Ooky." What the hell is that? It's not a word - I checked. They must have made up a word so it would rhyme with the previous two lines in the first stanza.

Anyway, a riddle: What do the following three words have in common:

1. Museum
2. Them
3. Scream

Answer: NONE OF THEM RHYME. So how in hell did the writers of that song come up with those three words in the second stanza and pass them off as rhyming?? OK, I'll give them the 'em because that's how we talk. "Give 'em hell!" for example.

But 'scream'? Come on! In no interpretation of the English language can 'scream' rhyme with 'museum' or 'them.'

Let's move onto the chorus. (I may be a bit liberal calling it that.) "Neat." OK, I understand that one - we still use 'neat' today as something of interest.

"Sweet." SWEET?? I'm sure people were using 'sweet' as an adjective of amusement prior to Jesse and Chester's ridiculous tattoo dialog in the 2000 hit "Dude, Where's My Car?" But in 1964, when "The Addams Family" was a weekly series, I doubt if 'sweet' was used to describe anything not resembling chocolate and other confectioneries.

Finally we come to "Petite." PETITE?!? Are they kidding me?? There were a few anorexic characters on that show, but the rest could hardly be considered petite. Once again I think the writers of the song wrote the first lines believing the rhymes will come to them.

Alright, that leaves the last stanza. "So get a witch's shawl on." The fact that witches wear CLOAKS aside, I'm not sure where one gets witch's apparel. And I don't want to know.

Finally, "a broomstick you can crawl on."

You know, I don't think I could even come up with how absurd that line is.

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