Sardonic nit witticism

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Location: Fort Myers, Florida, United States

People tell me that my sarcasm and cynicism will get me into trouble some day. We'll see.

Sunday, October 01, 2006


I left the toilet seat up again the other day.

Guys, I'm sure you know what I am talking about. We hear it every week.

"You left the toilet seat up again," from the female version of our companions.

It is like it is the Crime of the Century. For the life of me, I still do not understand why it is so much of a problem. Us guys probably feel that way because we only need the seat down "occasionally," while the ladies need it down every time.

Even then. If you live in a family that has boys, I don't see why it is such an issue to just look to see if the darned seat is in the proper position before using the appliance. You wouldn't jump into a swimming pool before checking to make sure someone hadn't drained it first, would you?

And they don't pussyfoot around in letting you know when you have performed this transgression, do they guys? You'll be sitting there in the easy chair, watching the game, and from the family bathroom you'll hear that familiar CRUNK sound - the sound of the toilet seat dropping from about five inches off the toilet. You KNOW they are doing that intentionally, so you can practically hear the disgust they feel upon seeing that once again, you have left the seat up.

Anyway, I had the following, somewhat related conversation with a group of female colleagues recently.

I asked them, "Under what circumstance could you imagine that a toilet seat in the Ladies Room would be left up?"

"What do you mean," asked a female acquaintance.

"Well, the other day I heard the distinct sound of a toilet seat dropping in the ladies room, and I just wondered why in the world the seat would have been up in the first place."

"What were you doing in the ladies room," came their initial request.

"I wasn't IN the ladies room," I returned, "I was in the MEN'S room. In case you didn't know this, building architects frequently try to save money by having both the ladies and men's room share plumbing between the wall separating the two rooms. I was sitting on a toilet in the MEN's room, and not only heard the toilet seat fall in the ladies room, but felt it as well, through my toilet seat. My toilet seat in the MEN's Room."

After the women recovered from their laugh fest, I again begged of them.

"So does anyone care to theorize why a seat would have been left in the 'wrong' position in a room only ladies would have occupied?"

A few theories came forth, none very plausible, but one stood out as that which made most sense. The custodian probably left it up after cleaning the toilet the night before. Probably was a guy.