Sardonic nit witticism

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Location: Fort Myers, Florida, United States

People tell me that my sarcasm and cynicism will get me into trouble some day. We'll see.

Saturday, January 31, 2009

Looks like a Cyclone hit it

From one of my other blogs:

A Riddle for you:

Question: What's the difference between a tornado and the U.S. Economy?

Answer: One leaves a path of destruction as it brings down homes and takes away cars and other prized possessions and personal belongings and the other is a wind storm.

Thursday, January 29, 2009

If You Seek Amy

So Britney is once again in the news. Did it again, I guess. Seems people are upset over the title and lyrics of a song on her new album.

Guess Spears won't be invited to sing at the Super Bowl, will she?

Wednesday, January 28, 2009

And H makes Eight.

Note: As a result of a veiled threat from a reader, I post this reprint from one of my other blogs:

By now I suppose you've heard the story of the Houston mother who gave birth to octuplets this week. According to one article,
Details about how the octuplets were conceived have not been released, but doctors not involved in the delivery believe the mother was likely on fertility treatment.
I wonder why doctors thought it was likely she was on babymaker pills. It seems that whenever you hear stories about multiple births of four or more kids, Mom is on fertility meds. I feel badly for couples who are having difficulty conceiving a child and then going from none to eight.

The kids were 2 girls and 6 boys. I'm just picturing these girls trying to get a date when they're older. A 16 year old guy comes up to one, chats her up a bit, then asks her out. She says OK, and he says, "do you have a sister for my buddy?" Yeah - and she's my age. "Oh, you're twins?" No, she says.

Suddenly six boys, all appearing to be the exact same age, come around the corner and scare the guys away.

And what about how boys eat? Sure, the 2 girls will always be watching their weight - some things will never change - but I know boys who can put away two steaks at a single meal.

"Honey, I'm going to the store - do you need anything?"

"Yeah, get three Ultra-Slim-Slows, twelve steaks, and whatever you want."


Turns out this mother already had six kids - and she's only 33 years old. Fourteen kids. I know some teachers who have less than that in their whole classroom.


Wednesday, January 07, 2009

A Keg a Day Keeps the (oh, never mind)

So this college senior is coming out of a coma in the emergency room after doctors had found large amounts of alcohol and drugs in his system.

"What happened?" he asks.

"Tell me, son," the doctor begins, "do you drink alcohol?"

"Well, yeah, I mean after all, I'm in college, man! We drink at least a keg a week."

"And do you also abuse drugs?" the doctor continues.

"Abuse is such a strong word. I choose to call it Chronic Experimentation," says the boy.

"Don't you know," begins the doctor, "that keggers can't be abusers?"