Sardonic nit witticism

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Location: Fort Myers, Florida, United States

People tell me that my sarcasm and cynicism will get me into trouble some day. We'll see.

Wednesday, February 04, 2009

I Can't Hear Without My Glasses

I was sitting at my desk working and a coworker came to the door with a question. I asked her to repeat it, and she did, but I still couldn't make out what she was saying.

I said, "Hold on a minute; let me put on my glasses."

"What do you need your glasses for?" she began, "I'm not showing you anything; I'm asking you something."

"I realize that," I started, " but at my age I am beginning to lose my hearing. Now I find it helpful to read lips as people are talking. With lip reading and listening, I can usually understand."

Therefore, I can't hear without my glasses.


The Addams Family

They're creepy and they're kooky,
Mysterious and spooky,
They're all together ooky,
The Addams Family.

Their house is a museum.
When people come to see 'em
They really are a screa-um.
The Addams Family.


So get a witch's shawl on.
A broomstick you can crawl on.
We're gonna pay a call on
The Addams Family.
These lyrics have always pestered me. OK, I know it was a campy series not to be taken seriously, but geeeze.

"Ooky." What the hell is that? It's not a word - I checked. They must have made up a word so it would rhyme with the previous two lines in the first stanza.

Anyway, a riddle: What do the following three words have in common:
  1. Museum
  2. Them
  3. Scream
Answer: NONE OF THEM RHYME. So how in hell did the writers of that song come up with those three words in the second stanza and pass them off as rhyming?? OK, I'll give them the 'em because that's how we talk. "Give 'em hell!" for example.

But 'scream'? Come on! In no interpretation of the English language can 'scream' rhyme with 'museum' or 'them.'

Let's move onto the chorus. (I may be a bit liberal calling it that.) "Neat." OK, I understand that one - we still use 'neat' today as something of interest.

"Sweet." SWEET?? I'm sure people were using 'sweet' as an adjective of amusement prior to Jesse and Chester's ridiculous tattoo dialog in the 2000 hit "Dude, Where's My Car?" But in 1964, when "The Addams Family" was a weekly series, I doubt if 'sweet' was used to describe anything not resembling chocolate and other confectioneries.

Finally we come to "Petite." PETITE?!? Are they kidding me?? There were a few anorexic characters on that show, but the rest could hardly be considered petite. Once again I think the writers of the song wrote the first lines believing the rhymes will come to them.

Alright, that leaves the last stanza. "So get a witch's shawl on." The fact that witches wear CLOAKS aside, I'm not sure where one gets witch's apparel. And I don't want to know.

Finally, "a broomstick you can crawl on."

You know, I don't think I could even come up with how absurd that line is.


Sunday, February 01, 2009

Momma Meme

Well, people, (the both of you, that is,) I've been "tagged," (whatever that means,) by Meleah of Momma Mia, Mea Culpa to complete this "meme," (whatever that is.) But seriously, I've done this only once before, a little over two years ago, so bear with me.

I have, though, seen these on other blogs and the thing I find most amusing is the part where they say "tag six random bloggers." Now for most people, who have on the average 30 or so people on their blogroll, their problem is to select only six from among them. Some have 100 or more; so many in fact that their blogroll actually rolls (re: scrolls) so they can be displayed in a limited amount of space.

I have 8 bloggers who link or have linked to me at some point. Eight. And most of them I haven't commented on in quite some time. Others have stated, "don't bother, I have hardly the time for ME let alone meme." Further, (and both of you might find this odd,) I regularly visit only a smattering of those eight, and none other. I need to either get a life or be glad I have one, I'm not sure. Anyway, don't be mad if I hedge on rule #4 below.

So here goes.

The rules:

1. Link to the person that tagged you
2. Post the rules on your blog
3. Share six non-important things/habits/quirks about yourself
4. Tag six random people at the end of your post by linking to their blogs
5. Let each random person know they have been tagged by leaving a comment on their website.
6. Let your tagger know when your entry is up.

The disclosures:

1. quirk: I have to sleep with my head taking up no more than a quarter of my pillow. I'm not sure if I could fall asleep if my head were fully on the pillow. I'm not sure why.

2. non-important thing: My hair is looking particularly long these days. Not a good thing if one is searching for a job.

3. habit: I talk way too much. Specially if I get too comfortable. Which is too often.

4. quirk: I have a tendency to over analyze everything. Including why I got tagged for this.

5. non-important thing: I desperately need a new wardrobe. Or at least new shoes.

6. habit: I drink too much. But so do my friends. In fact, the more they drink, the funnier I am.

The SIX lucky bloggers I am tagging are:

Oh, who the hell am I fooling. If you're reading this, you're tagged.